I am Rikimaru; I am Shadow

Writer, Poet, Social Commentator


[(klzhr) –

 or need for closure are psychological terms that describe the desire or need individuals have for information that will allow them to conclude an issue that had previously been clouded in ambiguity and uncertainty. Upon reaching this conclusion, they are now able to attain a state of epistemic closure.]


I had a little bit of reminiscence over the weekend as my mum found some of my old stuff. I spent the better part of Saturday night going through the bags and I laughed when I came across my collection of Dean Koontz. I smiled at one book in particular: a green cover paper back, “Dragon Tears”…my intellectual Liberator.

I read a lot of the Mills & Boons Series as a young boy. Now don’t judge me; blame my super inquisitive elder sisters. They had piles of them and I was new to reading so I read them all. Then I graduated to Barbara Cartland, Danielle Steel, Nora Roberts and all the other feminine romance authors. Yes, you can perhaps say that was where I got my romanticism.

I remember one day I stumbled upon a book, it looked very intriguing and the blurb made my heart race.  I was 13 and it felt like the beginning of a romance. It belonged to my eldest sister and was not part of the pile of books neatly arranged under her mattress.

I sat by her bed and began to read, my eyes narrowing with each new word I learnt. The sheer audacity of the author was so challenging to my romance-softened mind that I couldn’t stand up. Pages upon pages of words jumped out at me, challenging my religion, upholding my faith, reaffirming my belief that there was more to life; more than romance, more than my previously esteemed Mills and Boons authors. I discovered, for the first time in my life, the existence of other books; books that opened my mind beyond ‘boy meets girl’.

Golems and Ghouls, Light and Darkness filled my head as I flipped page after page until my world shattered. The break-up was devastating. My sister came into the room and seized the book. She explained that she had to return it to its owner. But I couldn’t understand it. For a long time I was upset with her. I had questions: “Why hadn’t I come across such books before?” “Where can I find more?”

It took me 13 years to find “Dragon Tears” again. This time I was ready for the relationship. I was more matured, I could understand. I knew how to handle the feeling.

432 pages later, in the icy shiver of catharsis, I experienced closure.

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This entry was posted on September 17, 2013 by in Commentary, Musings and tagged , .


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